Patriarchal households birth patriarchal kids
… but it is up to us whether to adhere to it or rebel against it.
The families that adhere to patriarchal family systems look a lot like your neighbours, relatives or even your family. It is no brainer that a person’s values and ethics generally depend on how they grew up.
Growing up, we were taught things by our parent(s)- that turned out to be disturbingly inappropriate. While most of us unlearned things rebelled against those groundless claims and fought against what was right and what was not- some people just never unlearned things.
I know people that understand the gravity of unlearning this patriarchal system but never speak about it. I know people that listen to my rant, agree to what I say but never act on it- never stand up to their acquaintances.
I know an acquaintance that told me how medically men are stronger than women because they have testosterone.
I know a friend that lives in this world- this unfortunate patriarchal world and hates it, but then I see her adhering to the same norms. It’s unfortunate that young women are a subject of this predating patriarchy, but what’s even more unfortunate is that these beautiful young women accept their lives the way it is.
To be candidly honest, my relationship with adhering to patriarchal norms is rather tricky. I was a rebellious child, I still am- and I take pride in it. Because almost all Indian families adhere to patriarchy- let alone worship it. But when one person rebels and questions these age-old norms, things change.
Every patriarchal family births patriarchal kids- the ones that either live through it or live out of it. While I know that most women don’t have a say in what kind of lives they want to lead- they’re not asked for opinions- they are treated as mere objects- burdens, if I may. But some do. Some fortunate women do.
I respect the women that live through this system. The ones that live decent lives; some lucky ones- if their spouses give them a say. I sympathise with them because I know how hard it is to adhere to the life that belittles you, questions you and downgrades you. Trust me, I know how it feels to feel helpless, to feel the anger in you rising because it upsets me when I see women my mothers’ age, girls my age, live these pre-designed lives by their fathers or brothers.
It sucks to be born in a patriarchal society, let alone live through it. But, I have unlearned things- I have come a long way from abiding by the ‘vamp culture’ and realising how this internalised misogyny is a part of patriarchy. And so can you. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture- it doesn’t have to be something grand- it just has to be accountability.
Because the one thing I have learned from years of being disgusted by patriarchy and talking about it is that the first step is always accountability. You need to hold the people accountable for being the patriarchal monarchs they think they are- and it doesn’t have to be in a room full of people (personally, do it. It feels liberating calling out a patriarch). But it can be something that you do in the warmth of your room or your safe space. Because all it takes is accountability to let those patriarchs know that they are wrong.
